Feels Like Home

There were times when I gained confidence from my low state when there were no expectations at all. I found myself in the empty beaches and innocent sunshine that reflected upon the sand. I found solace as I walked down with strangers, the same paths I had walked with people that mattered the most. I was alone yes, and that gave me happiness. I was carefree. Laughing and dancing amongst the most random groups of people, long walks along the sea. Was it because nature was so friendly? It made the dark world around me turn to blue- a happy shade of blue. Whoever I wished to be with was not there. People who had once been there, their space was overtaken by darkness and the quiet rumble of the waves. Even though I missed the past terribly, the dark present made me feel at peace. The few memories gave me light enough to understand certain rules about life. I didn’t want to run away from anything or anyone. I felt I found my place in this maddening world. I felt happy for people. I felt this rush of unexpected energy that made me want to jump up with joy. I knew I could do it. I had learned to move on. Death was no more a great fear. I realized the stars still shined upon me, now even brighter. It was okay to be there, to be who you are. It was alright. Even though I was broke and had just lost my grandfather and was far-far away from family, the strange faces and the breeze felt like home.
I guess I had learned to live alone, I had accepted it. My phase was finally coming to an end. I felt alive again. I felt like doing things- making films, painting, dancing, singing or simply smiling. I understood how much I loved her, and him and my mother. I was happy thinking that. Even though all these thoughts ran past my head, I could never really figure out what or who made me realize that even the darkest corner of the world that had not even a spark of light could be called home, if one was at peace with oneself.
My time with the sea and the hills also made me realize that one never grows up. We are always attempting to. Sure we improve. Sure we learn to give more than to take. But there is a child, an animal in all of us that tells us to run past the waves and onto the cold sand. The child in us never dies, and that I think is a beautiful thing.