Try and catch me now~ *

I had you for one last time. I wanted to make the most of it. Little by little your memories would fade away from my days just like the dying sunlight fades into the evening dusk or the breath fades away from a dying soul. Little did I know that this time would ever come, but I did it for someone I loved more, there I had a reason. I still believe we were the strongest. I admit that it would take me all my strength to erase you completely and I would be left cold and weak and almost empty, like the remains of wild fire that eventually crumbled into grey ashes in an abandoned fire place.

Like an inanimate object or a pebble that would remain lying on a path for days to come. Yes, I was a pebble. So many people walked over me every day. I also know that something as beautiful such as life should not be crushed by mere decisions of mine. I had no right to do it. I had no right to take away the little life that was left between us. That little life had hardly been nourished with enough love, care and most importantly time. If given a chance,we both know that that life would bloom into something more beautiful than the both of us, but it was little and therefore almost insignificant to the rest of the maddening world. It held promise.

But still, I plan to kill it. Promise meant nothing, and hope held meaning equal to our littal life- it was insignificant. Slowly, subtlely, I will entrap our life and burry it deep into my heart into my thoughts and into my breath. It would cause me more pain to burry it; it would cause more pain to the murderer to take away that life, it would cause me more suffocation and helplessness to get rid of it. I would die along with that life to be reborn into yet a more unfair, unjust and uncomprehendable world.but I will learn to live with it and slowly accept it. It’ll pinch hard, the feeling you get after an injection shot. The realization of which occurs a few seconds later.

You should know that every time I engaged myself with somebody, your thought crossed my head each time, like a shooting star that would light up the vast purple sky for just a moment. It was distance that conspired against us and convinced me to hold up that knife or that rope that I would use to cut and strangle all the moments we spent together.

I never understood why you swung away from me, and then came so close to me without me moving further or closer to you. I stood there all along watching you swing back and forth. Waiting. And something makes me believe that theres no need for an answer to that query. Because everytime you came close to me the world made sense again; and everytime you swung farther away, a hope arose that you would swing back to me, and it kept me going.

You should know that I never meant to wrong you, but you never did ‘right’ to me either.

When reality comes crashing down, we turn to fairytales, but when fairytales crash; I would gather each piece of crystal, each conversation, every look, every smile, every awkward moment, every dance move, every gesture, every laugh, every song, every promise, every car ride, every rose, every note, every memory, every piece of christmas decoration, every season, every rain drop, every sun rise, every tear, every photograph, every call, every starlit night, every particle of beach sand, every place, every dress, every little breeze, every touch, every little light and shut it.

Maybe open it someday to realize that fairytales do exist, even if they’ve been broken. I would have proof. Maybe to feel the essence of sea breeze back in the summer of 2009. Maybe to hear your voice from the past, like when you place a sea shell to your ear and can hear its treasured stories. Maybe to feel loved for the first time all over again. I promise that the light that will shine back upon me from those broken crystal pieces will always reflect a smile on my face and will help flicker happiness in my darkest moments. Then I would take those precious pieces, and burry them once again, it would be our deepest, sweetest secret. It would be my story, our fate -our littal life.

“So I won’t hesitate no more, no more,

I cannot wait, I’m sure,

There’s no need to complicate, our time is short,

This is our fate, I’m yours~”

Like a night in the forest.....

I was supposed to find answers to all that was on my mind. They lingered around me just like the silence of the dark forest. All I could see were flashing lights. It was more like a pathetic dream sequence, one that would make you dizzy and nauseatic. I continued to drag myself up, as I could feel every muscle in my calve stretch and pinch with pain. I kept going, even as I got breathless. I was finally escaping, I was breaking through. I had to do it for myself. My stomach twisted and soon I was facing a cramp. The dry grass cut my fingers gently as I grabbed it to regain my balance. I din’t know anybody around me. The ones I knew lagged far behind. They asked me if I needed any help, but I refused. I wanted to get up on my own, just like every young man or woman strives to. It was killing, but soon i started to get used to it. I realized I was not the only one who was going through struggle, the thought of which comforted me a little. The torch lights continued to flash in and out of my face like the reflections of rays off a mirror. I heard unfamiliar voices all around me. I had to trust them. The last pull was full of vengence. I had made it to the top after a lot of hard work. At first it seemed ridiculous, but as soon as I opened my eyes to witness the height at which I stood with the world glittering below me, I realised the pain was all worth it. I stood there for a moment gazing into the dark expanse. I stood there, slowly getting lost into the maddening world and its miracles. Suddenly I felt somebody behind me. My friend had made it to the top too. I was not alone anymore and the view infront of us grew more meaningful as we shared the vision. The stars were out guiding us with their soft light. We halted for a sip of water that never tasted as sweet and pure. We moved on crossing peak by peak and everytime it was a new adventure, a new experience, a new story that unfolded into the deepness of the forest.

I dint get much time for introspection, only the small brakes we took to when our body seemed to be getting over worked. I realized that was time enough to ponder over my thoughts and my fears. I realized that sometimes you just had to move on with the flow and not think so much. I realized we wasted most of our lives in contemplating, and missing out on the beauty widtheld infront of us.

The night masked everyones face. All I could hear was their voices and the breaths they ran out of. There was a point when time really tested me as I stood stranded on the edge of the mountain. The sadist gravel got carresed as it past through my wet fingers. It slowly slid, as if mocking me, enjoying my helplessness. Making me believe that there was no hope and no one to love me or save me. I hung on for dear life as I prayed to God. It was my weakest moment. I tried holding on until the gravel almost gave way. All that posed infront of me was emptiness, the end of the cliff, making me feel as if all that I had believed in, the hold on for life was worth nothing. I slipped.

When I opened my eyes in disbeleif I was in his arms, completely protected. He held onto me, as if he was holding on to his life. His grip was so promising, that it gave me courage to move on. I stood shocked for a few seconds, voiceless. I felt I could lie in his arms for eternity. We were so close I felt his eye lashes brush upon my wet forehead. Nothing seemed more secure. We comprehended and conversed all there was to be understood between us through our strong breaths. He helped me cross the forest, the wicked forest. We did lose our way, but he never let loose of my hand. He helped me climb up mountain after mountain. He pulled me, dragged me, but never lost faith in me. We never spoke throughout. And in the morning, when the faint rays of the sun sparkled slightly over our faces and when the light finally revealed our truth, I lost him.

The trek was finally over. We had made it. My body throbbed like a broken heart’s beat. There were so many of us, and I could recognize none after an entire night’s journey. It was like the truth was again lost behind the masked men that led us through the dark night. I wondered which face or which hand had carried my life so carefully for those few moments. That’s all I remember from that night. We drove back to our homes to face a new day. The trek would always be like a stained memory. One stained with almost complete darkness. But one that taught me so much about the light of life…

Give me a reason

Part-1

Fantastical teardrops.

Blackouts.

Obsession. Passion.

Beauty and the beast.

Deception. Perception.

Random?

Spiritual. Sex. Raw.

To lure and secure.

Pulse.

Innocence. Promise.

Memories.

Crashing of my world.

Spinning wildly in fire.

Perish of the soul and desire.

Why?

Part 1-

Shattering of a delicate

Glass stained painting.

Millions of mirrors scatter

To reflect our love.

Summer hues and winter tints

All the pain. August rain.

Restlessness of ripples.

A path unfolding into blinding light.

A new way. A new day.

Betray.

A distant shore echoing familiar voices.

Loved ones and friends. Double ends.

Nonsensical choices.

Wind blowing through my knotted hair.

Great despair.

Rocking of a chair. Ticking of a clock.

Possibilities that mock.

Your eyes, your smile.

Comfort for a while,

Nights that go on,

So wild.

Burning passion and desire,

Swaying branches . Liar!

Celebration. Lit up sky-

I know why.

We meet again. Unspoken thoughts.

Black velvet cloths.

The way you look at me-

Truly Maddy Deeply.

****************

Muskaan :)

Snow. White snow.

Sunlight pouring purity.

Sugar kiss, complete bliss.

Such innocence,

Your giggles and whispers,

True love essence.

My little world,

My world is swirled,

When I get lost into

Your eyes,

And deeper with your thought;

Your skin glows, like

Fire flies.

To my empty life,

Happiness you have

Brought.

Baba~

Baba.

Eyes glittering with experience.

calm and composed, yet the restlessness within

to learn, create, to discover.

Bold and upright. A true leo.

Hands aged with recurring touch.

Large and gentle, with a firm grip.

Mind, constantly beating with thought.

A sense of humor in his smile.

A boulder you could rest upon,

Like many travelers have before.

Hair, a silverfish tint of white,

White with grief, and concern, white from glory.

White with purity.

Mind of a warrior,

Heart of a child.

The belief to never let go,

Even though countless aeons have let go of him.

A sigh relived each time.

A walk down the road less traveled.

A fierce bond with natures miracles.

Not easily swayed by the wind,

Still deeply in love with it.

Trying to accept change. Trying. Trying again.

Happiness in small wonders.

A forgotten story.

Warm paranthas and butter, with a variety of sweets.

A winter night.

Family and loved ones around a lit dinner table.

Bit of chatter and sweet talk.

His brown rocking chair,

Rick-rock rick-rock.

Memories.

Memories lay like fickle sand that slowly slips away and finally turns into smooth heavy mud that sinks deep within our hearts and souls. Just as the waves of our mind push those layers of memories deeper and deeper within our conscious mind which eventually get lost somewhere. And on one comfortable night when we’ve sailed away on our ship of dreams or on one sunny afternoon when we’re seeping the suns rays these memories awaken once again, bit by bit to leave us with a feeling of happiness as warm as the sun.

It’s all that’s left in the end anyway, these memories of you and me. They’re imprinted in our minds and hearts and sometimes our body- like foot prints that lie imprinted on the face of wet sand.

And when they awaken once again they seem to be as fresh as the morning breeze that brushes past my entangled hair. We seem to relive them and they appear as alive as the morning sea against the peach sunlit sky, as we get lost into the blueness of the water.

They linger for a moment or two, leaving those dull moments to become the sweetest ever. You smile to yourself, and suddenly they’re over before you know it. It pinches you, like the salt of sea water.

You rub your eyes to hold onto that slipping memory. The one that forms such a beautiful view in front of your pleading eyes. One such as the view from a balcony facing the river side. All you can do is gaze in amazement as that memory merges with reality, just as the burning orange ness of the sun melts into the darkened purple waters, there in the distance. Just as you watch the remains of light disappear into black magic, as the sun finally sets somewhere far-far away from you.

Angel~

Different forms and faces,

People and people from different races,

My heart paces,

Then, I see her.

With her presence she graces,

My heart and soul she embraces,

Of my fears and confusions,

And helplessness and illusions

She leaves no traces.

Of this I form no basis,

Because she disappears again,

As if a dream,

Still, I feel her warmness,

Still, I feel her gleam.

Different forms and faces,

Angel from unheard places,

Fill up my empty spaces,

Then,

Comfort me again~

Farewell.

Farewell kisses and goodbyes,

I despise.

A new beginning awaits us,

The soul is captured within the heart,

Thus.

Shimmering stars greet us,

Their light is reflected in

Our tears,

So many fears, within

Us.

The past shines upon,

That same old face,

A new motive,

To live, to erase,

What lies beneath.

The heart continues,

To beat.

Tangled thoughts renew,

Scheming to meet

Deep desires.

Stuck in

Life’s mire,

The child’s grin

Unable to restore,

Mild, innocent wishes,

Walks along the shore

Like entering its

Gallows,

It’s shallow.

The magic of

The world begins

To fade,

Times of yore, once jade,

Are now frayed.

The soul is revived,

A sudden gush of breath,

The former self, died.

A birth takes place,

A fresh start,

We part,

Our different ways.