Try and catch me now~ *

I had you for one last time. I wanted to make the most of it. Little by little your memories would fade away from my days just like the dying sunlight fades into the evening dusk or the breath fades away from a dying soul. Little did I know that this time would ever come, but I did it for someone I loved more, there I had a reason. I still believe we were the strongest. I admit that it would take me all my strength to erase you completely and I would be left cold and weak and almost empty, like the remains of wild fire that eventually crumbled into grey ashes in an abandoned fire place.

Like an inanimate object or a pebble that would remain lying on a path for days to come. Yes, I was a pebble. So many people walked over me every day. I also know that something as beautiful such as life should not be crushed by mere decisions of mine. I had no right to do it. I had no right to take away the little life that was left between us. That little life had hardly been nourished with enough love, care and most importantly time. If given a chance,we both know that that life would bloom into something more beautiful than the both of us, but it was little and therefore almost insignificant to the rest of the maddening world. It held promise.

But still, I plan to kill it. Promise meant nothing, and hope held meaning equal to our littal life- it was insignificant. Slowly, subtlely, I will entrap our life and burry it deep into my heart into my thoughts and into my breath. It would cause me more pain to burry it; it would cause more pain to the murderer to take away that life, it would cause me more suffocation and helplessness to get rid of it. I would die along with that life to be reborn into yet a more unfair, unjust and uncomprehendable world.but I will learn to live with it and slowly accept it. It’ll pinch hard, the feeling you get after an injection shot. The realization of which occurs a few seconds later.

You should know that every time I engaged myself with somebody, your thought crossed my head each time, like a shooting star that would light up the vast purple sky for just a moment. It was distance that conspired against us and convinced me to hold up that knife or that rope that I would use to cut and strangle all the moments we spent together.

I never understood why you swung away from me, and then came so close to me without me moving further or closer to you. I stood there all along watching you swing back and forth. Waiting. And something makes me believe that theres no need for an answer to that query. Because everytime you came close to me the world made sense again; and everytime you swung farther away, a hope arose that you would swing back to me, and it kept me going.

You should know that I never meant to wrong you, but you never did ‘right’ to me either.

When reality comes crashing down, we turn to fairytales, but when fairytales crash; I would gather each piece of crystal, each conversation, every look, every smile, every awkward moment, every dance move, every gesture, every laugh, every song, every promise, every car ride, every rose, every note, every memory, every piece of christmas decoration, every season, every rain drop, every sun rise, every tear, every photograph, every call, every starlit night, every particle of beach sand, every place, every dress, every little breeze, every touch, every little light and shut it.

Maybe open it someday to realize that fairytales do exist, even if they’ve been broken. I would have proof. Maybe to feel the essence of sea breeze back in the summer of 2009. Maybe to hear your voice from the past, like when you place a sea shell to your ear and can hear its treasured stories. Maybe to feel loved for the first time all over again. I promise that the light that will shine back upon me from those broken crystal pieces will always reflect a smile on my face and will help flicker happiness in my darkest moments. Then I would take those precious pieces, and burry them once again, it would be our deepest, sweetest secret. It would be my story, our fate -our littal life.

“So I won’t hesitate no more, no more,

I cannot wait, I’m sure,

There’s no need to complicate, our time is short,

This is our fate, I’m yours~”